


anger with a broken heart (of mine)

by romanodanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Broken Heart, Depression, F/F, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, I Am Sorry, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, Lies, Major character death - Freeform, Not A Fix-It, Oh My God, Oh god, Post-Supergirl Reveal, Sad Ending, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This hurt me to write, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-18 01:03:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanodanvers/pseuds/romanodanvers
Summary: Two weeks after Lena found out Kara is Supergirl, she receives a letter that doesn't make any of this easier.





	anger with a broken heart (of mine)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: This story contains alcoholism, implied/referenced suicide, and major character death. If any of this triggers you, please do not read this story. I care about my readers and I want them to be in the best mental/physical health there is. If you are still reading, however, I hope you enjoy this story, and please, proceed with caution, for this discusses heavy stuff that may trigger you. Thank you.

_It has been 14 days, 336 hours, and 201,60 minutes since Lena Luthor found out that Kara Danvers, her best friend and the only woman she’d trust with her life, was Supergirl. And she wasn’t going to lie to herself – it hurt. Like a bullet to her chest that hadn’t been removed, going deeper and deeper every day._

_And it only got deeper when Lena received a letter from the woman she once called her friend._

_She should have ripped it in half the moment Jess gave it to her. But she didn’t._

_That would be her forever regret._

* * *

“Miss Luthor, there’s a letter for you,” Jess informed her. “It’s from Kara Danvers,”

Lena’s heart stunk to her chest. Suddenly, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. A letter from Kara?

“Miss Luthor?” Jess noticed her silence. “Is something wrong? You don’t look so good,”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Lena nodded. “Yes, Jess. I’m just a bit tired today,”

Jess gave her a concerned look. “Are you sure? No disrespect intended, but you look terrible,”

“I’m fine,” Lena’s voice was firm. “Just…give me the letter, and go home early tonight, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jess handed her the letter, then proceeded to walk out of the room, leaving Lena alone.

Once Lena made sure nobody was here, she stood up and walked over to the liquor cabinet. Pulling out the cheapest bottle of alcohol she could find, Lena didn’t bother saving any for anybody else, because who was left? Her friends had betrayed her and her brother was dead. Pretty much, she was alone.

Slamming the bottle on her desk, Lena snatched the letter up and tore it up open aggressively.

With the bottle gripped tightly in her hand, Lena began to read.

_‘Lena –_

_I don’t expect you to read this, or even acknowledge the letter, but I wanted to apologize. For everything. For lying to you, for not telling you I was Supergirl sooner, and most of all, for ruining our friendship. All I ever wanted to do was keep you safe, and if that meant keeping a secret from you, I would do it again in a heartbeat, because I care about you so much, and if I didn’t keep you safe, what would be my purpose?_

  
_Keeping Supergirl a secret from you was a mistake. From the day we met, I should have been honest. All those times when Supergirl came to rescue you, those were all chances I didn’t take because I was so afraid of how you would react. And now, I know, and I was so scared to face what would happen, and it did. I’ve lost you, Lena Luthor. I’ve almost lost you so many times, but now, I lost you for good. Forever._

_One of my biggest regrets will forever be losing you. I know I’ve have, and it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. If I’m being honest, I think I lost myself too. Or losing myself slowly. That’s why I’m writing you this letter. I am so lost without you. I really miss you, and I wish things were different right now, Lena. I wish we were having lunch dates and teaming up at game night, and giving each other endless hugs._

_Rao, I just want to hug you and apologize for everything I’ve done. But I can’t. I can’t, Lena, because whatever friendship we had was over. Maybe one day, you’ll forgive me. If not, then that’s okay. I’m going to be protecting the city still and thinking about how badly I messed up while I do so. And when my powers don’t protect me one day and I end up dying, then the last person I will think about is you._

_I’m sorry, Lena. I hope we can make this right one day. Please, take care of yourself._

_Yours truly,_

_Kara Danvers’_

Lena let out a raw scream, before tossing the bottle across the room. It shattered, and so did she, falling to her knees with a hand over her mouth, her body shaking with sobs. Her makeup became smeared, and her body began to shake, but nothing was worse than that goddamned letter Kara had sent her.

Slamming her hand on the floor, Lena imagined Kara’s face there, just letting Lena hit her until she got tired or broke her hand. But knowing Kara, she would have wrapped Lena’s hand and give her a hug, holding back her own tears as Lena cried in her shoulder afterward. God, that just made it worse, thinking about her. With that stupid smile, and those glasses, and her hair, and how she smells…fuck.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn’t even hear the door open. But apparently, her ears and brain did, because before she knew it, she was speaking. “If you’re here to kill me, please do. I have just had my heart broken and shattered, so you killing me will make this,” she sobbed. “Easier for me,”

“Forever the dramatic, huh?” Lena’s heart stopped as she heard an oddly familiar voice speak.

Looking up, Lena gasped. “L…Lex. But…but I thought you were dead…that I killed you…”

“I am dead,” he replied. “This,” he chuckled sinisterly. “This is all in your head, Lena,”

_A hallucination of Lex? What was happening?_

“I…I don’t understand,” Lena forced out. “My mental health is perfectly fine right now,”

Lex chuckled, crossing his arms across his chest. “You honestly believe that to be true?”

“What?” Lena was confused. “What are you talking about? I am…I am fine. I am, really,”

He grinned. “Fine? No, Lena. You’re broken. You’re broken, and you have nothing left,”

“Then maybe you should shoot me as I shot you, then,” Lena said. “If you’re real, that is,”

“As I said before,” he walked closer to her. “This is all in your head. I can’t shoot you now,”

Lena stood up on shaky legs. “Then what do you want from me? You’re dead, so stay dead, Lex!”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Lex replied. “Not until I tell you something you needed to know all along,”

She gave him a look. “Tell me, then. And then leave me the fuck alone for eternity,”

“Lena Luthor cursing?” Lex’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “I thought I would never see the day,”

“Just say it!” Lena screamed at the hallucination. “Say it! And then go! Leave me the fuck alone!”

“Kara Danvers is in love with you, and that’s why she didn’t tell you!” Lex shouted over his sister.

The room fell silent. Lena was frozen, unable to register the words that came out of Lex’s mouth.

Kara Danvers is in love with me, and that explains why she didn’t tell me she was Supergirl?

No. This was just a hallucination. Lex was dead – shot by his own sister. This was…this was a lie.

“Liar,” Lena spat out bitterly. “If Kara was in love with me, she wouldn’t have lied to me!”

Lex looked at her for a moment, before he began laughing loudly. “You are so IGNORANT!”

“Are you done?” Lex stopped laughing and looked at her. “Good. Now get the fuck out of my office and stay dead. I don’t want to see you or have you in my mind ever again, do you understand? Now leave,”

He sighed. “If you say so. But before I go, turn around. There’s someone waiting there for you,”

Moments later, Lex disappeared, and Lena was left alone. “Stupid hallucination of Lex. God…”

“It wasn’t a hallucination,” Lena’s blood went cold. “It was a shape-shifter named J’onn. He’s my friend,”

Lena turned around, and behold, stood Kara Danvers. “What are you doing here? Want to lie again?”

Kara looked hurt, yet continued. “I…I came here to ask if you got the letter that I sent to you,”

“Oh, you mean this?” Lena snatched up the paper angrily. “Yeah, I got it. Pretty good, considering,”

She stepped inside her office. “Lena, listen. I know you’re upset, but please try to understand----“

“Understand what?” Lena cut her off angrily. “That my best friend is a liar and keeps secrets?!”

“I did it to protect you,” Kara kept her composure. “Everything that I’ve done was to protect you,”

Lena stomped up to Kara. “I didn’t need your fucking protection! I just needed the truth!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Kara said. “I should have told you sooner, and I didn’t,”

“And I’m sorry I became best friends with a liar,” Lena replied. “Now get out of my office,”

Kara crossed her arms across her chest. “I’m not leaving until we sort this out, Lena,”

“It’s sorted out. Now go, fly back to your lying friends and tell them the same,” she replied.

“No,” Kara shook her head. “We’re staying here and talking about this like adults,”

“I got nothing to say to you, Kara,” Lena said bitterly. “You lied to me. To me, of all people,”

“I told you I was sorry!” Kara raised her voice. “What more do you want from me, Lena? Huh?”

_Lena went quiet. What did she want from Kara at this point? Friendship? Love? Honesty? Another lie?_

Finally, Lena decided what she really wanted. “I just wanted a family, a real friendship based on trust,”

“I can give you all of that,” Kara told her. “But I need you to trust me again, and…just forgive me,”

“The only thing you can give me right now is leaving my office and never showing your face again,”

Kara nodded, a sad smile on her face. “If that’s what you want, I’ll leave and never come back,”

“Good,” Lena’s voice cracked. “Because at this point, I think this is the best thing to do…Kara,”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Okay. I’ll leave, Lena. Whatever makes you happy…it’s all that matters,”

You used to make me happy, Kara. But after this, now I just want you gone.

“It was nice knowing you, Kara,” Lena croaked out. “You were…a good friend while it lasted,”

“This doesn’t have to be the end,” Kara was holding back her own tears. “It doesn’t, Lena,”

She bit her lip. “It does. I’m sorry, Kara, but you broke my trust by lying to me,”

“I can’t…I can’t lose you,” Kara began to sob. “I…I need you, Lena. I…can’t do this…”

Lena shook her head. “I’m sorry. But it’s over, Kara. Now get out of my office, please,”

“Okay,” Kara replied. “But one day, when my powers don’t work and I die, the last person I will be thinking about is you. I may be dying or bleeding out at that time, but I only…I only see your face,”

Lena’s heart ached at that statement, yet she ignored it. “I hope you have a wonderful life, Kara,”

“You too, Lena,” Kara walked out to the balcony where she had come in yet. “I hope you do too,”

Before Lena could reply, Kara flew off, leaving Lena alone and with a shattered heart in her hand.

_Lena cries herself to sleep that night._

* * *

Kara Danvers dies three months later. It’s not specified what happened, but Lena suspects it’s her fault. She later confirms this theory when she gets a text from Alex, blaming her for Kara’s death a week later. National City is in mourning, crying for their fallen hero, and Jess has become her lifeline, her support.

Lena falls into a deep depression and begins drinking more excessively. She stops taking care of herself and goes as far as shutting down her company. Jess tries to help her, but it’s too overwhelming for even her. So she leaves Lena alone and quits, leaving the woman completely alone with nobody in her life.

On a rainy night, Lena heads to Kara’s grave. The letter is in her pocket and she’s not wearing anything but a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Shivering, she finds the headstone and kneels down, putting her head against it. It’s cold, kind of how she’s become. She presses her lips to the headstone, kissing it gently.

“I hope you thought of me, Kara,” Lena speaks brokenly. “I hope you thought of me when you died,”

She puts the letter by Kara’s gravestone and stands up. “I hope we can make this right one day,”

_Lena Luthor dies that night at 12 AM._

_Her cause of death?_

_A broken heart._

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing to say, other than I'm sorry for writing this. I just needed to get out how I felt about the reveal, so I did. By breaking everybody's heart, I succeeded in doing so. But damn, this story hit me on a real personal level, I swear. Anyway, thank you all for reading, and please, stay alive and take care of yourself. You're all worth it. Thank you.


End file.
